TO: Neil Roberts, CHAIRMAN, BOQ

Dear Mr Roberts

Why does your bank make it so hard for your customers to use the internet? I have just spent half an hour on the phone to your staff trying to find out how to use the internet to make money transfers from my account and could not get past a bonehead called Jason who had all the helpfulness of a cracked record and who refused to put me on to anyone else with more brains. Everybody else was "in a meeting", allegedly. I do wish you would instruct your staff to stop using that threadbare lie when talking to customers. He promised to get someone more senior to ring me back but that too was the usual fraud. So I am writing to you. Why I should have to is beyond me but it seems the only thing to do that offers some chance of an intelligent response.

My A/c is 90 REDACTED and I have long ago set up my transfer limit as you require. Why you require that is also beyond me. I have a Commonwealth Bank A/c that put no such obstacle in front of me.

When I logged on to your internet site, however, and clicked "transfer to anyone", I got a page that had no means of entering to whom I wanted to make the transfer. A window dropped down but I could not type anything into it.

I therefore rang your helpline and asked what I had to do to enter a payee but your Jason refused to tell me unless I had a confirmation code. As far as I know I threw away the code as soon as I had entered it into your system as required.

In summary:
1). You put up stupid obstacles to transfers
2). Your computer system does not do what it says
3). Your staff refuse to help

And you claim that your bank is particularly customer-oriented! Please investigate and advise.

TO: John Nilas, Customer Relations, BOQ

Dear Mr Nilas

Thank you for your letter of 14th April. You must be an escapee from the Public Service. The message in your letter very clearly is: "There's no reason for it. It's just policy" Do you really think I or anybody else is going to be happy with that response to a complaint? I have pointed out two idiotic policies of the bank (No names on receipts and the barring of credit-card payments of fees) WITH THE GENERAL IDEA THAT YOU MIGHT CONSIDER CHANGING THEM. And if you are too wooden for that, you could at least have the courtesy to explain to me the wonderful wisdom behind the existing policies.

You must WANT shareholders to embarrass your chairman at the AGM